Barely any shadows.
The sun glistened on my skin
with happiness and a never ending bright future.
The sun never seemed to fade away.
"OH NO!"
Out the door Maxx had ran,
faster and swifter
than a blink of an eye.
Jorge chased after him, Brian and Hailee next.
Edgard had finally snatched him.
Maxx was saved.
I was saved.
A smile towards the camera
to welcome her back.
After a week being locked away
in the mental hospital, my mom is home.
Hard times always got her deeply down.
She didn't know it would pass on
to her naive daughter.
She didn't know. Neither did I.
I didn't know the sun would set.
That the shine would get covered by the
darkness that creeped and stalked the
happiness. Weeks, months, years.
The shadows casted over the smiles
As they ran away from me.
The darkness sweeped over our tracks,
past memories and our upcoming future,
one-by-one, getting picked up and drifted away.
I didn't know he would get taken away,
nor we would all alienate one another.
At once I was, but now I know
I am not going to be saved..
"I didn't know the sun would set.
ReplyDeleteThat the shine would get covered by the
darkness that creeped and stalked the
happiness."
I really like that quote ^^^ . It's almost like you're oblivious to the facts, but you have to face reality. Theirs not always going to be sunshine in life but it'll get better. I like the way it was written, almost like you're telling a story. I also enjoy how in the beginning of the poem it was all about happiness and towards the end it shows darkness. Good transition.
I like your poem, it was deep, and you could tell that you went way past your picture. the only thing i have to question is in the last 2 stanzas "he" was that referring back to your dog?
ReplyDeleteI like how you used the "light" to really emphasize your poem and the theme. It does play like more of a narrative poem so the only suggestion I would make is to have more of a progression with your poem. There are a lot of gaps in between stanzas so when you revise just fills those in so we can understand it more. If I had not seen the picture it would have been harder to grasp an understanding of it.
ReplyDeleteWhat i do know about this story is that your mom wnt away and you were telling how now that shes back you feel like yourself again i believe thats where the saved came from
ReplyDeleteoverall I really like this poem and it seems like it same from the heart , the beginning kinda sounded like a story but it stopped after that.
I like the imagery.
ReplyDeleteI like the whole transition from being in the light and then going into darkness. It shows a huge contrast in the beginning and the end. The last line was very powerful. There is a gap between maxx being saved and then welcoming your mom home from the hospital.
ReplyDeleteI like the poem :). I thought it was very good. I liked the last stanza a lot. I liked the way you wrote it too. I think you used good imagary. I think you should have filled in more stanza because I knew what you were talking about because you showed us the picture in class. It's like a story which I think makes it really well.
ReplyDeleteI liked the poem. I love how she made them growing up seem like being abducted. The way she talked about the mental hospital and the abduction, it just showed it wasn't a normal kids life. I love how she used the light to show the theme in a creative way. With this poem, we may as well be in a class called Creative Poetry ;D
ReplyDeleteFav Line: "nor we would all alienate one another.
At once I was, but now I know
I am not going to be saved.."