Cluttered can't even describe my closet.
I have what you need and more to spare
but as long as my notebook goes,
I've seem to have lost it somewhere.
I have a flesh-eatting pillow pet,
all green with blood and ooze.
Along with a mountain of teddy bears;
lopisided, colorful, and none I want to lose.
A basket full of tossed shoes,
like a salad or a lost-and found.
I don't even bother to pick it up
since all together its about 10 pounds.
12 belts I've collected
but I wear the same 3.
A panda scarf, bunny ears and a tail
NOT EVEN FOR ME!
47 shirts
BUT I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!
10 black shirts
but I need 20 more to spare!
A cotton candied dress fit for
a bejeweled cupcake queen
stuck between thick winter coats
and a shirt-like thing.
I grab what i need and go
but if this is just my closet
my room you WOULDN'T even want to know.
I like it!!! It is really descriptive and I can see your closet in this poem. I like the last stanza, because I can relate to it. The overall flow of the poem is great too.
ReplyDeleteit isnt a bad peom but it doesnt have any meaning. I dont find anything interesting about a cluttered closet.
ReplyDeleteFavorite Line: "47 shirts
ReplyDeleteBUT I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR"
I likd that line because i could relate. I have A LOT of clothes but it takes me hours to find something to wear. Im sure people could relate to this poem a little bit. I just felt like it was to straight forward, b ut it was a good poem.
I don't really understand the heart of it, besides the fact that you have an overwhelmingly full closet. But I do like the image you give with the basket full of shoes being like a salad or a lost and found. I really like that. I guess you could give more of a heart to it, but overall it was entertaining.
ReplyDeletefavorite line
ReplyDelete"A basket full of tossed shoes,
like a salad or a lost-and found."
this poem is kinda funny to me, i like it . It just makes me laugh .I overall think you did a good job jaliza.
it sounds like a story kinda of .
I like it a lot! I could picture everything you wrote in my head. The imagary is really good. But I was getting kind of confused at points, but other than that I really like it and I think it's a good poem :)
ReplyDeleteCluttered?!
ReplyDelete"A cotton candied dress fit for
a bejeweled cupcake queen
stuck between thick winter coats
and a shirt-like thing."
I think this is a cute poem but in terms of being "more creative" since that's what Ms. Crespo looks for,it's too straight foward. Like, instead of telling us exactly everything that's in your room you could desribe it more or leave us wondering. i don't know, who am I to say? i can't even write my own stuff so I really don't like giving other people constructive criticism if I'm not taking my own advice. The line I chose, I like because I like the effort of imagery. I can picture the section of your closet. Oh and I also like how you compared your basket of tossed shoes to a salad.
"I grab what i need and go
ReplyDeletebut if this is just my closet
my room you WOULDN'T even want to know."
I like the way it rhymes and the imagery. I'm unsure of le corazon that lies within the poem. The closet is the most intimate part of a room. So are you saying your heart is also cluttered?
I LiKe It, iT Has A fEw SpeLLinG ErrOrs but thats about I think is wrong. I really liked how descriptive she was with her closet, and it really shows everything that was in it. It was about her closet all together so I do not think she really needed some type of deeper meaning in there. Superb imagery usage though.
ReplyDelete